I am feeling incredibly grateful for two weeks with "NO" medical appointments - its amazing to suddenly recover the dozens of hours lost weekly to the work of caregiving a sick child. I immediately dove into the list of dozens of neglected areas of my life - starting with the decluttering of the mermaid manor and the finding and hiring of tutors to help the mermaids make up for lessons lost to illness and medical care.
I am so grateful to have small moments; breakfast croissants too burnt to eat accompanied by stories read out loud, mancala duels held on a stacks of overstuffed pillows on the living room floor, walks on warm summer nights with the little dog in jasmine scented air accompanied by the scraping sounds of neighborhood teens skating, pizza picnics on the floor while watching favorite kid movies past bedtime, gathering friends around a backyard fire pit to share stories and s'mores in the flickering shadows of night,, and so much more,
I suspect this period will be rife and full of the feelings that got stashed away in the 3-4 year sprint of dealing with the disappearance of the girls' dad, my spine injury, the Commander's illness and clinical trial, Lala's illness and health crises, the mermaid pertussis outbreak, and the relentless spin cycle of illness, worry, the draining of financial reserves to pay for the privilege of surviving these stressors, and the all out effort to work enough hours to keep housing, insurance, and moments of childhood magic intact.
I find myself exhausted and grateful.
I am so grateful for these moments of normalcy and do not take them for granted. They are among the small moments I imagined when I dreamt of parenting.
And after long journeys into the shadow world of childhood illness and the abduction of hope - I fully anchored in living the small moments of those dreams.